[[2024-10-20_12-17-54.mp4]] #### emotional reconcile/repair - we don't have the luxury of the person who emotionally injured us to help emotionally heal us. - [ ] expecting people close to you will `emotionally reconcile`. It's a standard. If someone doesn't do this, they are not a relationship of mine - my privilege is a nuclear family that emotionally reconciled? - [ ] relationship `repair` is one of the most emotionally intelligent things one can do - [ ] I've never had to rely on broken people #important #### gender and emotional expression - female friendship - more emotionally charged - feel responsible to tend to friends emotional needs. over functioning? - [ ] I'm questioning the benefit of emotionality - Sometimes one needs to be consoled, but unchecked consolation leads to enabling - there is a cost to rumination - stoic recognizing, but not being led by your emotions seems the best route to flourishing - [ ] how do you perceive the emotional vulnerability of each member of the hiking group? - I found those boys to be adequately vulnerable - the college aged men are more resistant to vulnerably sharing emotions or addressing emotional needs #doubt - men don't address emotional concerns, we try to solve the current problem. We don't recognize the problems stem from emotional concerns and addressing them would be addressing the problem -> something we need to coach them up on then - emotionally present: validating and discussing emotions #### Gender Social Construct of Biological Imperative - role vs. a predisposition - I find it likely that women on average derive more satisfaction than man from care taking responsibilities. - I don't know how extreme the only biological rationale for this difference is - I don't take seriously arguments that men and women have the same temperamental predisposition #### Quick Intimacy - who is disturbed by quick intimacy? - I find it to be a good filtering mechanism. - I will have to adapt to those disturbed by quick intimacy to expand my coaching pool #### Morality - percent of people as moral - morality is an impossible pursuit - humans are not born moral. A moral ideology is assembled by the complex interexchange we call life. - morality is a list of behaviors we collectively deem complementary to society. A way to reduce friction with society while meeting your personal goals - passive vs. actively morale - passively morale person does not question where their morality comes from. I try my best to not be an asshole - true morality requires active engagement with pursuing a moral life. constantly analyzing, questioning, reinforcing, implementing morality - are religious people more likely to be passively moral? my church knows what's right and wrong, because god said so. #question/religion - morality is fairly universal in humans. - we all have personal moral compasses, but live up to our own moral standards to different extents #### independence - goals - prevent helplessness - build internal self worth - contribute to society - form commitments and relationships of choice, not necessity - john - humans are inherently interdependent - american society views independence as a virtue - calvinism + capitalism = individual is empowered by society to accomplish anything - self-reliance isn't inherently moral - hates how self reliant his circumstances are - self reliance as a coping mechanism for those without community - not being self-reliant is treated as a personal failure - family annoyed at a requests for aid - we should be able to rely on each other in a society - self-reliance reduces the ability for community members to engage in trust building - [ ] I'm sorry that your mothers emphasis on self-reliance led to your abandonment - [ ] definitions - ![[relationship dynamics]] - ![[in(ter)dependent togetherness]] - my family - The more the kids do for themselves the more we get to do together - I'm nervous my kids will under-function and lose independence preventing the family from becoming interdependent and growing together. - My kids know I will not dress them. I am slowly chipping away the things I do for my children which, taking the morning as an example, includes: make breakfast, pack lunches, pack bags, wake children, get everyone out the door in a reasonable time. The kid's jobs are dress/fed/car seat #### Other - does every single person start with some privilege? - [ ] justine said you guys have so many opinions about things - job dissatisfaction is a matching problem - how do you best describe your and joseph's morale disagreements? - isaac desires to be a fathers seem to come from within - gameday with bob. who is bob? - [ ] I've been instrumental in John's healing - time speaking with John is productive for him - John's proximity to incel ideology - hopeless - society is artificially cruel - there is a wealth of information for [[area/business/chaperone/coaching philosophy]]